Finally. #230418

Finally. It happen.

And I'm supposed to be happy with this because this is want I want since 17/09/17.

But the thing is, I don't feel happy. At all.

17/09/17

Was the one of the blessed day I think for this entire year 2017. I managed to let out what I've been holding on for soooo long I guess. So thankyou so much God through Philip Mantofa you finally open my eyes and heart. And, thankyou for making this thing easy for me without getting emotionally hurt.

And I finally happy and blessed with my life now. Thanks family for the support and love. Thanks my old friends for always there stick by my side and never leave and thanks my new friends for coming into my life and make it wonderful. So yeahh! I'm single but not ready to mingle :* LOL ~

Thoughts.

I used to think that loving someone is easy, like you fall in love with him and that its, the loves continue.. but its not. The process of being in love is really hard and complicated. You have to deal with jelousy, understanding, argument, lies, truth, heartbroken, reality and a lot of communication.

The truth is the hardest part of being in love is breaking up. Its not really easy as it thought. What I believe is the cure of breakup is find another person so that you can forget your ex's and so you can't really feel and think of the past pain from your past relation. But, that doesn't seem to work sometimes. Even if you are in a new relationship and your mind and heart still belong to the past one, you still can't be happy in your new relation.

Well, all you can do is give sometime to yourself. Time is the cure. Find something in your present partner, the good thing in their self for example like "they won't hurt you like the one before " kind a thing. And hold on to that.

But, if he going to hurt you too. Don't worry girls.. there still a lot of men outhere which you can find or found that will not hurt you they way the other did.

So the story begin.

So the story begin..

A few years back then, I met a boy and I fell in love with him but not that sudden and the love for him grows bigger day by day. He earned it with his passion, kindness, braveness, careness, love, truth that he show me and because of that he makes me "sees" him even more. Love that is earned make the "appreciated traits" grow more stronger, we appreciate people more, so was I heard. Because you earned something by putting so much effort to make it work.

The end.

Felt.

You are another me.

I was left alone on the edge of the world but then you comforted me and tried to understand me. There's a word on the tip of my tongue. Until the day I close my eyes, I want to keep you by my side.

We fought over a lot of small thing that's how we came this far. We worried over even small troubles together and that'a why we were able to have deep conversations. I want you to know that you are another me.

With someone who is so different from me. We came this far and I want you to know that you are the reason this is happening.

Well.

Well, this is kind a good thing for me. I don't have to worry about anyone. I don't really have to think about anyone. And I don't have to do anything for anyone anymore. I just have to take care of myself and do what I want now. Good thing isn't it? 😊

Good or bad, I don't wanna know what happen next. If it meant to happen then it will be and I will accept it with open heart 😊

And everything comes back the way it before. Glad.

After all.

After all that happen. I don't think I can fully trust you and I know the fact that I will always have doubt. I don't know how long this doubt gonna take and I don't really care if I am able to trust you or not anymore because all I know now is If I ever gonna trust you again, you will end up do the thing that hurts me all over again. That just it. There whole reason I don't want to ever have my trust again. And now, I don't know how strong my heart towards our relay anymore.

Chance.

Giving someone a second chance means we forgive him and we give him another chance to earn our trust. But, that doesn't mean we instantly forget what experience has taught us. Trust should be earned and showed by the change you've become, changing in a good way. And the wronged should be not repeated. Keep in mind that there is a posibility your second chance will be your last. Even God has a limit on forgiveness and chances.

Love define.

Hey? I love you, do you know that?

For now, all I know is I'm really totally unconsiously in love with you and I keep thinking about you, even in my dreams I can't escape you. In the morning, everynite before I sleep or whatever I do, you slip through my mind. Its annoy me sometimes but I do love it. In fact, I love it every time when I'm thinking about you, about us.

Well, that just me.

A picture.

" Love yourself first. Love your flaw. Then you will be able to love other, UNCONDITIONALLY "

Rules in love.

Yes, it is true that there is no rules in love but there are consequences. As much as you want to put a rules in your love, eventually you will break it. You, yourself break it. Rules is sometimes can be good for your relation and sometimes can be really bad and the consequences? It can either be good and bad as well. It depend on how "bernas" your rules are.

#JustSaying.

What the future holds?

What the future holds? What my life gonna look like in the future? Who's I'm gonna end up with in the future? Will I be happy in the future?

I don't know what my future gonna look like. But of course I want to have my own house, my own car, my own money, a very good job and my own in everything. And I also know by saying " I want this and that for my future " will never help me to fulfill what I want for future so I have to work really hard for it and I hope God will help me through everything for a better future.

Who am I gonna end up with in my future? I don't about that too. Maybe with the one I'm currently dating now? Hehe. But who knows right? If he is the one then I'll be the most happiest and luckiest girl alive, thankyou God but if he isn't then I'll accept that too. God have another plan for me I guess. Either way, I think I'll be okay.

Will I be happy in the future? That? Only God knows. I'm happy now and I don't any reason why I shouldn't be happy. I'm happy with my life, I'm happy with my family, I'm happy with him and I'm happy with my friends. Problem? I'll make it through it. Whatever problem I have, there always a way.

You said.

I miss your voice telling me is going to be okay.
But why did you lied just to make me feel better.
Can't tell whats real been reading all your books for way to long.
Tell me why did you lied? I thought you would know better.
You said that I could count on you that you had a map and you know your way around the world.
You said we'll be invincible that the wind couldn't hurt us.
So tell me dear how we end up here.

No matter.

No matter how much I say " I don't care " " I don't wanna think about it. " or " Its just a small thing " but its not. I cared, a lot in fact. I think, everything even if it is something that i'm not supposed to think. And It is not a small thing, when it comes to you, there is no such thing as small thing or small matter because your are important to me and even though it is really small matter, I still gonna see it as a big matter for me.

And trust me, I don't choose to have this feeling. It all started when I started to have feeling for you and its keep getting strong.

My everything.

Sometimes I sit in silence
Waiting for a sign, I'm breathless
Can't believe that you're not just a dream
But when you take my hand
My fears all fade away
Your love is more real than anything
That I ever known.

Hold me close
Don't ever let me go
I'm yours with all of my heart
All of my soul
Never looking back
You set me free.

You are my everything
The very air I breathe
And your love is all I ever need to know
That we can live this life
You gives me strength to face the tides
You're the sunlight in my sky
The way you look into my eyes
I feel brand new, alive
Because they tell me I'm yours and you're mine.

Thought I had all the answer
Knew my way around
My life was something that I thought would never change
Then you came along
Turned my world upside down
And baby I'm so glad I was wrong
In your love, I'm home.

So when things don't go your way
When you're let down, when you fear
Just reach for me I'm here
Every storm, any mountain can be climbed
Lean on me, I'm by your side
I will never leave your side,

I miss the feeling..

I just want to have the feeling where I able to fully trusting someone again. I miss that.

Hmm..

Maybe, I just have to be the way I'm before. Less think, less care, less talk and less question. Maybe I should. Yes, I should.

FB..

Reading old post of mine and all the comment of my picture that I ever posted on facebook. I used to post everything that I felt on facebook, I used to post every picture that show how happy or sad I'm in a facebook and I used to post a sweet words, lyrics song, video, a picture of mine and tag a person and a cute quotes to someone that I like. I used to always did that but not anymore and I didn't know when ever I stop doing that. I really don't know. Well, eventually something has to changed right?

I scroll scroll scroll and scroll and scroll my facebook page and read every comment of my post and my picture that I ever posted. Some make me laugh, some make me smile, some are just weird comment and some are just hard to read. The memories of every post. Why I posted in the first place.

And now, facebook? It just a page for me to watch any latest news, for me to see how all my friends doing and what goin on in their life. Me? Yes, I still post but not always :)

Someone ..

" Someone who really loves you sees what a mess you can be, how crazy you can become, how moody you can get and how hard you are to handle, but still wants you in their life. "