A chooser?

To be exact, I is choosing.

My friend keep telling me that "Nen, jangan memilih no wonder you're still single until now." But, the thing is I will be 28 this year and just accept or pick some random guy who I have no feeling for or trust for its not an option. I wanna be with someone who I can trust, who I feel safe with.

Yes, I'm choosing but for my future, my life, my kids (someday) and for my family. I'm choosing because at some point I will be marrying the one that I choose and he will be with me thru everything for the of my life. So yeah, I'm choosing for my future.

So When I choose a man, I mean forever. Like good or bad moment, sick and healthy, easy and hard times. I'll be with you and you'll be with me. That forever.

Weakness?

There you goes, I think one of my weakness or whatsoever anyone called it. The problem is it's hard for me to unlike a person or lose my feelin towards him when I started to like him. I think it took me a certain amount of time to actually lose this feeling or for the feeling to fade.

Somehow, I can hide all the feelin but inside I still feel the same and I can't lie.

Finally. #230418

Finally. It happen.

And I'm supposed to be happy with this because this is want I want since 17/09/17.

But the thing is, I don't feel happy. At all.

I Will Go To You Like First Snow.

Before I held you I didn't know
That the world I was in was this bright.

I reached you with a small breath of life
It's a love that called out to me fearlessly.

I liked it so much
Watching over you my heart fluttering
Even when I ridiculously jealous
All of those ordinary moments.

In the dark eternity and in that long wait
Like sunshine you fell down to me.

Before I let go of you
I didn't know that the world I was in was this lonely.

Pretty flowers bloomed and withered here
The season of you will never come again.

I started to become greedy
I wanted to live with you and grow old with you
Hold your wrinkled hands
And say how warms my life is.

It was just on blessing
After that short counter
You cried like the rain.

I wanted to be happy for once
But that made you cry.

Forget everything and moved on
Because I will go to you
When you breath call out to me again.

Someday we'll meet again
It'll be the happiest day
I will go to you like the first snow.

17/09/17

Was the one of the blessed day I think for this entire year 2017. I managed to let out what I've been holding on for soooo long I guess. So thankyou so much God through Philip Mantofa you finally open my eyes and heart. And, thankyou for making this thing easy for me without getting emotionally hurt.

And I finally happy and blessed with my life now. Thanks family for the support and love. Thanks my old friends for always there stick by my side and never leave and thanks my new friends for coming into my life and make it wonderful. So yeahh! I'm single but not ready to mingle :* LOL ~

This seems to be the exactly answer!

Lie to a girl once and she'll start to think everything else you've ever told her was a lie. She'll start to not be able to see the difference between what is true or not. She'll start to question from now on if you're being sincere with her or you're just being bullshit. She'll start to doubt anything you say to her unless you can convince her or prove to her that it's the truth because if you can't, she simply won't believe. And don't tell her " I lied because I didn't want to hurt you. " because the truth is you lied just to save your own ass from getting in trouble. 

See, when you break a girl's heart, she'll still be able to love you but when you break a girl's trust, that's gone forever.

Trust issue?

Yes, I have trust issue. I don't really believe in people anymore. Why? Because they give me so many reason not to. They show me why I shouldn't trust them.

He's not bad.

He's not bad. He's just hmm being a 'man' but I do love him. But I too cannot promise if I can stay longer even if I want to. The thing I afraid the most is if I'm going to be ' Tawar Hati' of all this and eventually make a decision to stop.

Thoughts.

I used to think that loving someone is easy, like you fall in love with him and that its, the loves continue.. but its not. The process of being in love is really hard and complicated. You have to deal with jelousy, understanding, argument, lies, truth, heartbroken, reality and a lot of communication.

The truth is the hardest part of being in love is breaking up. Its not really easy as it thought. What I believe is the cure of breakup is find another person so that you can forget your ex's and so you can't really feel and think of the past pain from your past relation. But, that doesn't seem to work sometimes. Even if you are in a new relationship and your mind and heart still belong to the past one, you still can't be happy in your new relation.

Well, all you can do is give sometime to yourself. Time is the cure. Find something in your present partner, the good thing in their self for example like "they won't hurt you like the one before " kind a thing. And hold on to that.

But, if he going to hurt you too. Don't worry girls.. there still a lot of men outhere which you can find or found that will not hurt you they way the other did.

So the story begin.

So the story begin..

A few years back then, I met a boy and I fell in love with him but not that sudden and the love for him grows bigger day by day. He earned it with his passion, kindness, braveness, careness, love, truth that he show me and because of that he makes me "sees" him even more. Love that is earned make the "appreciated traits" grow more stronger, we appreciate people more, so was I heard. Because you earned something by putting so much effort to make it work.

The end.

Ques.

You always said you love me and you love me the most but why you never did anything that I ask you to do?

After all.

After all that happen. I don't think I can fully trust you and I know the fact that I will always have doubt. I don't know how long this doubt gonna take and I don't really care if I am able to trust you or not anymore because all I know now is If I ever gonna trust you again, you will end up do the thing that hurts me all over again. That just it. There whole reason I don't want to ever have my trust again. And now, I don't know how strong my heart towards our relay anymore.

A picture.

" Love yourself first. Love your flaw. Then you will be able to love other, UNCONDITIONALLY "

Rules in love.

Yes, it is true that there is no rules in love but there are consequences. As much as you want to put a rules in your love, eventually you will break it. You, yourself break it. Rules is sometimes can be good for your relation and sometimes can be really bad and the consequences? It can either be good and bad as well. It depend on how "bernas" your rules are.

#JustSaying.

Maybe?

Maybe you were better off without me.
Maybe I am better off without you.

And maybe we are better off without each other. Who knows? Maybe.

You said.

I miss your voice telling me is going to be okay.
But why did you lied just to make me feel better.
Can't tell whats real been reading all your books for way to long.
Tell me why did you lied? I thought you would know better.
You said that I could count on you that you had a map and you know your way around the world.
You said we'll be invincible that the wind couldn't hurt us.
So tell me dear how we end up here.

Nothing.

Nothing to say. Nothing to think. People change. That's normal :)