Shaun.

A name that I hope would be my forever. I couldn't ask for a better half, companion, partner and to be with for the rest of my life. He complete me in every way a person can be complete. It all happen to sudden and it happen at the most unexpected time and I didn't see that coming thou, wasn't expecting anything too but I'm glad it did. Marks 10/03/19 was the absolute date. And for all the pain, the tears I had before was wash away by him and by you God. Thank you God for leading our way to each other.

I know this not gonna be easy in the future but I will make the best out of it by your blessing God. Amen.

A chooser?

To be exact, I is choosing.

My friend keep telling me that "Nen, jangan memilih no wonder you're still single until now." But, the thing is I will be 28 this year and just accept or pick some random guy who I have no feeling for or trust for its not an option. I wanna be with someone who I can trust, who I feel safe with.

Yes, I'm choosing but for my future, my life, my kids (someday) and for my family. I'm choosing because at some point I will be marrying the one that I choose and he will be with me thru everything for the of my life. So yeah, I'm choosing for my future.

So When I choose a man, I mean forever. Like good or bad moment, sick and healthy, easy and hard times. I'll be with you and you'll be with me. That forever.

As at 011218.

01/12/18 Hello December.

I'm doing fine and guess what I can't wait to end?... It's 2018 guys! I can't wait to welcome 2019 because........................... hehe. Nothing much to get excited really. haha.

So, yeah! Can't wait to see 2K19 💗😘

Weakness?

There you goes, I think one of my weakness or whatsoever anyone called it. The problem is it's hard for me to unlike a person or lose my feelin towards him when I started to like him. I think it took me a certain amount of time to actually lose this feeling or for the feeling to fade.

Somehow, I can hide all the feelin but inside I still feel the same and I can't lie.

17/09/17

Was the one of the blessed day I think for this entire year 2017. I managed to let out what I've been holding on for soooo long I guess. So thankyou so much God through Philip Mantofa you finally open my eyes and heart. And, thankyou for making this thing easy for me without getting emotionally hurt.

And I finally happy and blessed with my life now. Thanks family for the support and love. Thanks my old friends for always there stick by my side and never leave and thanks my new friends for coming into my life and make it wonderful. So yeahh! I'm single but not ready to mingle :* LOL ~

Surat Cinta Untuk Starla.

Ku tuliskan kenangan tentang
Cara ku menemukan dirimu
Tentang apa yang membuatku mudah
Berikan hatiku padamu

Takkan abis sejuta lagu
Untuk menceritakan cantikmu
Kan teramat tinggi puisi
Tuk menyuratkan cinta ini

Telah habis sudah cinta ini
Tak lagi tersisa untuk dunia
Kerna telah ku habiskan
Sisa cintaku hanya untukmu

Aku pernah berfikir tentang
Indah hari tua bersamamu
Tetap cantik rambut panjangmu
Meskipun nanti tak hitam lagi

Bila abis sudah waktu ini
Tak lagi berpijak pada dunia
Telah aku habiskan sisa hidupku
Hanya untukmu

Dan telah habis sudah cinta ini
Tak lagi tersisa untuk dunia
Kerna telah ku habiskan sisa cintaku
Hanya untukmu
Untukmu hidup dan matiku

Bila musim berganti
Sampai waktu terhenti
Walaup dunia membenci
Ku kan tetap disini

Bila abis sudah waktu ini
Tak lagi berpijak pada dunia
Telah aku habiskan sisa hidupku
Hanya untukmu

Tlah habis sudah cinta ini
Tak lagi tersisa untuk dunia
Kerna telah ku habiskan sisa cintaku
Hanya untukmu

Kerna telah ku habiskan sisa cintaku
Hanya untukmu.

This seems to be the exactly answer!

Lie to a girl once and she'll start to think everything else you've ever told her was a lie. She'll start to not be able to see the difference between what is true or not. She'll start to question from now on if you're being sincere with her or you're just being bullshit. She'll start to doubt anything you say to her unless you can convince her or prove to her that it's the truth because if you can't, she simply won't believe. And don't tell her " I lied because I didn't want to hurt you. " because the truth is you lied just to save your own ass from getting in trouble. 

See, when you break a girl's heart, she'll still be able to love you but when you break a girl's trust, that's gone forever.

Trust issue?

Yes, I have trust issue. I don't really believe in people anymore. Why? Because they give me so many reason not to. They show me why I shouldn't trust them.

He's not bad.

He's not bad. He's just hmm being a 'man' but I do love him. But I too cannot promise if I can stay longer even if I want to. The thing I afraid the most is if I'm going to be ' Tawar Hati' of all this and eventually make a decision to stop.

Am I?

Am I gonna do the right thing? Am I thinking the right thing? Am I supposed to that? Sooner or later? Hmmm. No matter how many times I've question myself with all these question, I end up with this answer " Sooner or later, I have to do it anyway. Doing that is good for my own sake, for myself. I want to be happy right? I don't need another pain. I had enough. So, yeah. I think one day. It will happen. "

But.

I miss you but I have to stop.

Am I?

One question? After all this time, am I really important to you like you said I am? I guess not.

Thoughts.

I used to think that loving someone is easy, like you fall in love with him and that its, the loves continue.. but its not. The process of being in love is really hard and complicated. You have to deal with jelousy, understanding, argument, lies, truth, heartbroken, reality and a lot of communication.

The truth is the hardest part of being in love is breaking up. Its not really easy as it thought. What I believe is the cure of breakup is find another person so that you can forget your ex's and so you can't really feel and think of the past pain from your past relation. But, that doesn't seem to work sometimes. Even if you are in a new relationship and your mind and heart still belong to the past one, you still can't be happy in your new relation.

Well, all you can do is give sometime to yourself. Time is the cure. Find something in your present partner, the good thing in their self for example like "they won't hurt you like the one before " kind a thing. And hold on to that.

But, if he going to hurt you too. Don't worry girls.. there still a lot of men outhere which you can find or found that will not hurt you they way the other did.

Can't forget.

Hmm. Somehow, I just can't forgot the sentence/chat/comment that I saw on 5th sept. I wish I didn't see it. Hmm. Everytime I close my eyes, the words out of nowhere just POP!!! in my head! Gosh! Can I just have memory surgery?

I remember it, A tears fall down. Everytime.

Did you feel me? Honestly? Hm.

So the story begin.

So the story begin..

A few years back then, I met a boy and I fell in love with him but not that sudden and the love for him grows bigger day by day. He earned it with his passion, kindness, braveness, careness, love, truth that he show me and because of that he makes me "sees" him even more. Love that is earned make the "appreciated traits" grow more stronger, we appreciate people more, so was I heard. Because you earned something by putting so much effort to make it work.

The end.

Ques.

You always said you love me and you love me the most but why you never did anything that I ask you to do?

Felt.

You are another me.

I was left alone on the edge of the world but then you comforted me and tried to understand me. There's a word on the tip of my tongue. Until the day I close my eyes, I want to keep you by my side.

We fought over a lot of small thing that's how we came this far. We worried over even small troubles together and that'a why we were able to have deep conversations. I want you to know that you are another me.

With someone who is so different from me. We came this far and I want you to know that you are the reason this is happening.

Well.

Well, this is kind a good thing for me. I don't have to worry about anyone. I don't really have to think about anyone. And I don't have to do anything for anyone anymore. I just have to take care of myself and do what I want now. Good thing isn't it? 😊

Good or bad, I don't wanna know what happen next. If it meant to happen then it will be and I will accept it with open heart 😊

And everything comes back the way it before. Glad.

After all.

After all that happen. I don't think I can fully trust you and I know the fact that I will always have doubt. I don't know how long this doubt gonna take and I don't really care if I am able to trust you or not anymore because all I know now is If I ever gonna trust you again, you will end up do the thing that hurts me all over again. That just it. There whole reason I don't want to ever have my trust again. And now, I don't know how strong my heart towards our relay anymore.