Shaun.

A name that I hope would be my forever. I couldn't ask for a better half, companion, partner and to be with for the rest of my life. He complete me in every way a person can be complete. It all happen to sudden and it happen at the most unexpected time and I didn't see that coming thou, wasn't expecting anything too but I'm glad it did. Marks 10/03/19 was the absolute date. And for all the pain, the tears I had before was wash away by him and by you God. Thank you God for leading our way to each other.

I know this not gonna be easy in the future but I will make the best out of it by your blessing God. Amen.

A chooser?

To be exact, I is choosing.

My friend keep telling me that "Nen, jangan memilih no wonder you're still single until now." But, the thing is I will be 28 this year and just accept or pick some random guy who I have no feeling for or trust for its not an option. I wanna be with someone who I can trust, who I feel safe with.

Yes, I'm choosing but for my future, my life, my kids (someday) and for my family. I'm choosing because at some point I will be marrying the one that I choose and he will be with me thru everything for the of my life. So yeah, I'm choosing for my future.

So When I choose a man, I mean forever. Like good or bad moment, sick and healthy, easy and hard times. I'll be with you and you'll be with me. That forever.

I Will Go To You Like First Snow.

Before I held you I didn't know
That the world I was in was this bright.

I reached you with a small breath of life
It's a love that called out to me fearlessly.

I liked it so much
Watching over you my heart fluttering
Even when I ridiculously jealous
All of those ordinary moments.

In the dark eternity and in that long wait
Like sunshine you fell down to me.

Before I let go of you
I didn't know that the world I was in was this lonely.

Pretty flowers bloomed and withered here
The season of you will never come again.

I started to become greedy
I wanted to live with you and grow old with you
Hold your wrinkled hands
And say how warms my life is.

It was just on blessing
After that short counter
You cried like the rain.

I wanted to be happy for once
But that made you cry.

Forget everything and moved on
Because I will go to you
When you breath call out to me again.

Someday we'll meet again
It'll be the happiest day
I will go to you like the first snow.

Surat Cinta Untuk Starla.

Ku tuliskan kenangan tentang
Cara ku menemukan dirimu
Tentang apa yang membuatku mudah
Berikan hatiku padamu

Takkan abis sejuta lagu
Untuk menceritakan cantikmu
Kan teramat tinggi puisi
Tuk menyuratkan cinta ini

Telah habis sudah cinta ini
Tak lagi tersisa untuk dunia
Kerna telah ku habiskan
Sisa cintaku hanya untukmu

Aku pernah berfikir tentang
Indah hari tua bersamamu
Tetap cantik rambut panjangmu
Meskipun nanti tak hitam lagi

Bila abis sudah waktu ini
Tak lagi berpijak pada dunia
Telah aku habiskan sisa hidupku
Hanya untukmu

Dan telah habis sudah cinta ini
Tak lagi tersisa untuk dunia
Kerna telah ku habiskan sisa cintaku
Hanya untukmu
Untukmu hidup dan matiku

Bila musim berganti
Sampai waktu terhenti
Walaup dunia membenci
Ku kan tetap disini

Bila abis sudah waktu ini
Tak lagi berpijak pada dunia
Telah aku habiskan sisa hidupku
Hanya untukmu

Tlah habis sudah cinta ini
Tak lagi tersisa untuk dunia
Kerna telah ku habiskan sisa cintaku
Hanya untukmu

Kerna telah ku habiskan sisa cintaku
Hanya untukmu.

This seems to be the exactly answer!

Lie to a girl once and she'll start to think everything else you've ever told her was a lie. She'll start to not be able to see the difference between what is true or not. She'll start to question from now on if you're being sincere with her or you're just being bullshit. She'll start to doubt anything you say to her unless you can convince her or prove to her that it's the truth because if you can't, she simply won't believe. And don't tell her " I lied because I didn't want to hurt you. " because the truth is you lied just to save your own ass from getting in trouble. 

See, when you break a girl's heart, she'll still be able to love you but when you break a girl's trust, that's gone forever.

He's not bad.

He's not bad. He's just hmm being a 'man' but I do love him. But I too cannot promise if I can stay longer even if I want to. The thing I afraid the most is if I'm going to be ' Tawar Hati' of all this and eventually make a decision to stop.

Am I?

Am I gonna do the right thing? Am I thinking the right thing? Am I supposed to that? Sooner or later? Hmmm. No matter how many times I've question myself with all these question, I end up with this answer " Sooner or later, I have to do it anyway. Doing that is good for my own sake, for myself. I want to be happy right? I don't need another pain. I had enough. So, yeah. I think one day. It will happen. "

But.

I miss you but I have to stop.

Thoughts.

I used to think that loving someone is easy, like you fall in love with him and that its, the loves continue.. but its not. The process of being in love is really hard and complicated. You have to deal with jelousy, understanding, argument, lies, truth, heartbroken, reality and a lot of communication.

The truth is the hardest part of being in love is breaking up. Its not really easy as it thought. What I believe is the cure of breakup is find another person so that you can forget your ex's and so you can't really feel and think of the past pain from your past relation. But, that doesn't seem to work sometimes. Even if you are in a new relationship and your mind and heart still belong to the past one, you still can't be happy in your new relation.

Well, all you can do is give sometime to yourself. Time is the cure. Find something in your present partner, the good thing in their self for example like "they won't hurt you like the one before " kind a thing. And hold on to that.

But, if he going to hurt you too. Don't worry girls.. there still a lot of men outhere which you can find or found that will not hurt you they way the other did.

So the story begin.

So the story begin..

A few years back then, I met a boy and I fell in love with him but not that sudden and the love for him grows bigger day by day. He earned it with his passion, kindness, braveness, careness, love, truth that he show me and because of that he makes me "sees" him even more. Love that is earned make the "appreciated traits" grow more stronger, we appreciate people more, so was I heard. Because you earned something by putting so much effort to make it work.

The end.

Ques.

You always said you love me and you love me the most but why you never did anything that I ask you to do?

Felt.

You are another me.

I was left alone on the edge of the world but then you comforted me and tried to understand me. There's a word on the tip of my tongue. Until the day I close my eyes, I want to keep you by my side.

We fought over a lot of small thing that's how we came this far. We worried over even small troubles together and that'a why we were able to have deep conversations. I want you to know that you are another me.

With someone who is so different from me. We came this far and I want you to know that you are the reason this is happening.

Well.

Well, this is kind a good thing for me. I don't have to worry about anyone. I don't really have to think about anyone. And I don't have to do anything for anyone anymore. I just have to take care of myself and do what I want now. Good thing isn't it? 😊

Good or bad, I don't wanna know what happen next. If it meant to happen then it will be and I will accept it with open heart 😊

And everything comes back the way it before. Glad.

After all.

After all that happen. I don't think I can fully trust you and I know the fact that I will always have doubt. I don't know how long this doubt gonna take and I don't really care if I am able to trust you or not anymore because all I know now is If I ever gonna trust you again, you will end up do the thing that hurts me all over again. That just it. There whole reason I don't want to ever have my trust again. And now, I don't know how strong my heart towards our relay anymore.

Chance.

Giving someone a second chance means we forgive him and we give him another chance to earn our trust. But, that doesn't mean we instantly forget what experience has taught us. Trust should be earned and showed by the change you've become, changing in a good way. And the wronged should be not repeated. Keep in mind that there is a posibility your second chance will be your last. Even God has a limit on forgiveness and chances.

Love define.

Hey? I love you, do you know that?

For now, all I know is I'm really totally unconsiously in love with you and I keep thinking about you, even in my dreams I can't escape you. In the morning, everynite before I sleep or whatever I do, you slip through my mind. Its annoy me sometimes but I do love it. In fact, I love it every time when I'm thinking about you, about us.

Well, that just me.

A picture.

" Love yourself first. Love your flaw. Then you will be able to love other, UNCONDITIONALLY "

Rules in love.

Yes, it is true that there is no rules in love but there are consequences. As much as you want to put a rules in your love, eventually you will break it. You, yourself break it. Rules is sometimes can be good for your relation and sometimes can be really bad and the consequences? It can either be good and bad as well. It depend on how "bernas" your rules are.

#JustSaying.

What the future holds?

What the future holds? What my life gonna look like in the future? Who's I'm gonna end up with in the future? Will I be happy in the future?

I don't know what my future gonna look like. But of course I want to have my own house, my own car, my own money, a very good job and my own in everything. And I also know by saying " I want this and that for my future " will never help me to fulfill what I want for future so I have to work really hard for it and I hope God will help me through everything for a better future.

Who am I gonna end up with in my future? I don't about that too. Maybe with the one I'm currently dating now? Hehe. But who knows right? If he is the one then I'll be the most happiest and luckiest girl alive, thankyou God but if he isn't then I'll accept that too. God have another plan for me I guess. Either way, I think I'll be okay.

Will I be happy in the future? That? Only God knows. I'm happy now and I don't any reason why I shouldn't be happy. I'm happy with my life, I'm happy with my family, I'm happy with him and I'm happy with my friends. Problem? I'll make it through it. Whatever problem I have, there always a way.