Partial Lockdown. (18/03/20 - 31/03/20)

It's my first time ever experience this thing called PARTIAL LOCKDOWN untuk satu negara. Due to COVID 19 Virus also known as Corona Virus. Start to spread around dec 2019. Believe this virus comes form china and still continue until now 23/03/2020. And we thought 2020 will be a different year. Indeed it is different from what we actually thought.

This virus spread faster than other virus I've known and currently this virus is all around the world. This virus cause other country to lockdown, people are force to stay at home not to mingle outside their house. And now in Malaysia, we currenlty experiencing this partial lockdown also called as Kawalan pergerakan. Which, people can still go out but only for buying groceries purpose only. Can still going to work but with a pass from work only. All the business and restaurant close until 31/03/2020 (except the essential business).

This partial lockdown start 18/03 - 31/03/20. But I believe God is greater than this virus. Amen.

Shaun.

A name that I hope would be my forever. I couldn't ask for a better half, companion, partner and to be with for the rest of my life. He complete me in every way a person can be complete. It all happen to sudden and it happen at the most unexpected time and I didn't see that coming thou, wasn't expecting anything too but I'm glad it did. Marks 10/03/19 was the absolute date. And for all the pain, the tears I had before was wash away by him and by you God. Thank you God for leading our way to each other.

I know this not gonna be easy in the future but I will make the best out of it by your blessing God. Amen.

A chooser?

To be exact, I is choosing.

My friend keep telling me that "Nen, jangan memilih no wonder you're still single until now." But, the thing is I will be 28 this year and just accept or pick some random guy who I have no feeling for or trust for its not an option. I wanna be with someone who I can trust, who I feel safe with.

Yes, I'm choosing but for my future, my life, my kids (someday) and for my family. I'm choosing because at some point I will be marrying the one that I choose and he will be with me thru everything for the of my life. So yeah, I'm choosing for my future.

So When I choose a man, I mean forever. Like good or bad moment, sick and healthy, easy and hard times. I'll be with you and you'll be with me. That forever.

As at 011218.

01/12/18 Hello December.

I'm doing fine and guess what I can't wait to end?... It's 2018 guys! I can't wait to welcome 2019 because........................... hehe. Nothing much to get excited really. haha.

So, yeah! Can't wait to see 2K19 💗😘

Weakness?

There you goes, I think one of my weakness or whatsoever anyone called it. The problem is it's hard for me to unlike a person or lose my feelin towards him when I started to like him. I think it took me a certain amount of time to actually lose this feeling or for the feeling to fade.

Somehow, I can hide all the feelin but inside I still feel the same and I can't lie.

17/09/17

Was the one of the blessed day I think for this entire year 2017. I managed to let out what I've been holding on for soooo long I guess. So thankyou so much God through Philip Mantofa you finally open my eyes and heart. And, thankyou for making this thing easy for me without getting emotionally hurt.

And I finally happy and blessed with my life now. Thanks family for the support and love. Thanks my old friends for always there stick by my side and never leave and thanks my new friends for coming into my life and make it wonderful. So yeahh! I'm single but not ready to mingle :* LOL ~

This seems to be the exactly answer!

Lie to a girl once and she'll start to think everything else you've ever told her was a lie. She'll start to not be able to see the difference between what is true or not. She'll start to question from now on if you're being sincere with her or you're just being bullshit. She'll start to doubt anything you say to her unless you can convince her or prove to her that it's the truth because if you can't, she simply won't believe. And don't tell her " I lied because I didn't want to hurt you. " because the truth is you lied just to save your own ass from getting in trouble. 

See, when you break a girl's heart, she'll still be able to love you but when you break a girl's trust, that's gone forever.

Am I?

One question? After all this time, am I really important to you like you said I am? I guess not.

Thoughts.

I used to think that loving someone is easy, like you fall in love with him and that its, the loves continue.. but its not. The process of being in love is really hard and complicated. You have to deal with jelousy, understanding, argument, lies, truth, heartbroken, reality and a lot of communication.

The truth is the hardest part of being in love is breaking up. Its not really easy as it thought. What I believe is the cure of breakup is find another person so that you can forget your ex's and so you can't really feel and think of the past pain from your past relation. But, that doesn't seem to work sometimes. Even if you are in a new relationship and your mind and heart still belong to the past one, you still can't be happy in your new relation.

Well, all you can do is give sometime to yourself. Time is the cure. Find something in your present partner, the good thing in their self for example like "they won't hurt you like the one before " kind a thing. And hold on to that.

But, if he going to hurt you too. Don't worry girls.. there still a lot of men outhere which you can find or found that will not hurt you they way the other did.

So the story begin.

So the story begin..

A few years back then, I met a boy and I fell in love with him but not that sudden and the love for him grows bigger day by day. He earned it with his passion, kindness, braveness, careness, love, truth that he show me and because of that he makes me "sees" him even more. Love that is earned make the "appreciated traits" grow more stronger, we appreciate people more, so was I heard. Because you earned something by putting so much effort to make it work.

The end.

Chance.

Giving someone a second chance means we forgive him and we give him another chance to earn our trust. But, that doesn't mean we instantly forget what experience has taught us. Trust should be earned and showed by the change you've become, changing in a good way. And the wronged should be not repeated. Keep in mind that there is a posibility your second chance will be your last. Even God has a limit on forgiveness and chances.

Love define.

Hey? I love you, do you know that?

For now, all I know is I'm really totally unconsiously in love with you and I keep thinking about you, even in my dreams I can't escape you. In the morning, everynite before I sleep or whatever I do, you slip through my mind. Its annoy me sometimes but I do love it. In fact, I love it every time when I'm thinking about you, about us.

Well, that just me.

What the future holds?

What the future holds? What my life gonna look like in the future? Who's I'm gonna end up with in the future? Will I be happy in the future?

I don't know what my future gonna look like. But of course I want to have my own house, my own car, my own money, a very good job and my own in everything. And I also know by saying " I want this and that for my future " will never help me to fulfill what I want for future so I have to work really hard for it and I hope God will help me through everything for a better future.

Who am I gonna end up with in my future? I don't about that too. Maybe with the one I'm currently dating now? Hehe. But who knows right? If he is the one then I'll be the most happiest and luckiest girl alive, thankyou God but if he isn't then I'll accept that too. God have another plan for me I guess. Either way, I think I'll be okay.

Will I be happy in the future? That? Only God knows. I'm happy now and I don't any reason why I shouldn't be happy. I'm happy with my life, I'm happy with my family, I'm happy with him and I'm happy with my friends. Problem? I'll make it through it. Whatever problem I have, there always a way.

Believe.

The thing is, I can't believe in something that I need to believe. I just believe in something that I want to believe. It doesn't matter how hard someone try to make believe in something but if I don't want to believe, I won't.

And I don't blame myself either for having such a traits because sometimes, something that you need to believe in order to make you happy eventually end up hurting yourself. Trust me, I have an experience on that ;)

So, it doesn't matter for me if I can't believe in something that I need to believe. Because, if it really " The Truth " sooner or later me myself will finally unconsiously come to believes.

Hey? Don't blame me for my traits issue ;) This is not so not me back then. I used to be someone who easily believe when someone or anyone told me something. But not anymore.

I Hope.

I hope I didn't have a heart and feelings.

Why?

Why I'm not expecting and hoping too much from you?

Why?

Because.. If I put a little hope in you, even a slightest hope the more I keep it the bigger the hope will be and the higher the expectation become. It doesn't feel good if the thing you hope does not live to your expectation. And, it can really break you heart though. 

No matter.

No matter how much I say " I don't care " " I don't wanna think about it. " or " Its just a small thing " but its not. I cared, a lot in fact. I think, everything even if it is something that i'm not supposed to think. And It is not a small thing, when it comes to you, there is no such thing as small thing or small matter because your are important to me and even though it is really small matter, I still gonna see it as a big matter for me.

And trust me, I don't choose to have this feeling. It all started when I started to have feeling for you and its keep getting strong.

My everything.

Sometimes I sit in silence
Waiting for a sign, I'm breathless
Can't believe that you're not just a dream
But when you take my hand
My fears all fade away
Your love is more real than anything
That I ever known.

Hold me close
Don't ever let me go
I'm yours with all of my heart
All of my soul
Never looking back
You set me free.

You are my everything
The very air I breathe
And your love is all I ever need to know
That we can live this life
You gives me strength to face the tides
You're the sunlight in my sky
The way you look into my eyes
I feel brand new, alive
Because they tell me I'm yours and you're mine.

Thought I had all the answer
Knew my way around
My life was something that I thought would never change
Then you came along
Turned my world upside down
And baby I'm so glad I was wrong
In your love, I'm home.

So when things don't go your way
When you're let down, when you fear
Just reach for me I'm here
Every storm, any mountain can be climbed
Lean on me, I'm by your side
I will never leave your side,

Nonen.

I miss my Nonen. I miss my Nonen so much. I wish my Nonen knows how much I miss him right now and I wish to throw a stone to my Nonen face so he know how much its hurt me just by missing him :'(

I miss the feeling..

I just want to have the feeling where I able to fully trusting someone again. I miss that.